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Daddy, When Do I Get My Stimulus Check?


I know I deserve it. I have been your son for 10 years. Did things – some good – some bad. Got a lot of things (mostly toys & games, oh yeah and three bikes.) It’s amazing how bike styles change; clothes that I didn’t like but you told me first impressions count.

I have gone to school to learn things, like how to be accepted and even lead my fellow classmates. I became the president of my class cause you gave me enough money to buy more posters (and candy for the kids – I mean my voters) I looked it up with my teacher and now as President my friends are my constituents. (Big word – had to make sure I spelled it write (write – get it?).

I am not the smartest kid in the class, but they think I am. Confidence is important. They have placed a great deal of responsibility on me. Like what to do for recess; can we stop learning about social studies and how caterpillars turn into butterflies? What’s up with that?

But now my school needs money; they tell me they can’t buy the 50” plasma television I requested on behalf of my class. Books are too expensive and the worst is that they tried to make us eat healthy, but I made a deal with the soda and candy people so all of us would be happier.

I promised the kids in my class that we would have a new teacher who would let us take longer naps, more field trips (that were fun); no museums - longer gym periods; no dress code and didn’t have to show up for school until our cartoons were over in the morning.

I tried a fundraiser selling junk and other important things, it didn’t go to well. But I did put out $17.12 from my own pocket to try to make a good impression. By the way Dad you owe me $17.12, plus my labor, which I figure to be $10.25, plus I am sure there will be tax.

Now you tell me that since you are out of work the savings we had, have to go for living expense. There goes my Lamborghini you promised (or at least I asked for) when I turn 17. But you do have 6 more years to recover – I guess. College seems out of the question, since I expect a lot of credit card debt, not to mention my phone text bills to continue, so more debt is out of the question.

I know you wanted me to become a doctor but whom are we kidding. Since your business is not doing well, I guess there is use of taking it over. Another hardship is that I now have to stay healthy because I heard you tell Mommy that the cost of health insurance for the next 5 years will cost over $100,000; a better idea would be a trip to an island, I understand the air would be healthier there. Also, think of all the fun things we could do with that money, which won’t allow us to think about getting sick? You could also use some of it for my car, braces for my teeth (the ones that don’t look like a steel fence), the diving board for the pool you forgot to put in and the rent on an apartment for my friends and me when I need my own space.

I have lost a great deal of sleep; Television shows are not what they used to be. Even Hannah Montana is getting to me. Now I guess I will have to cut down on my text messages.

Well since I have explained why my life is and will continue to be a hardship, please call our new President (the last one did not return my calls), so I can get my stimulus check and have a good nights sleep and life can go on just like in my cartoons. Also, I understand I should be entitled to a “golden parachute” – I hope it works if I ever jump out of a plane.

P.S. I had some help with the spelling from my older girlfriend, she is 12 years old. Can’t believe I like older women. I would give you my name, but I am suppose to be doing homework right now and I don’t want to incriminate myself (I learned that from a speech by a politician)

BY: A Child In Need



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